Friday, 23 September 2011

Conversations with Mother #3

Today's conversations with mother included such delightful topics as... bowel movements.. and the importance of having a bowel movement at least once a day..., AGAIN... not eating anything from China..., the pertinence of working up a sweat to stay healthy... as that's how your body rids itself of toxins... which she has noticed on her daily walks... that some of the more "elderly" smell strongly of medication... than others... therefore, those who smell less like medication = more healthy! I thought it was a bit of leap, but she probably has a point...

She also advised taking a brillo pad to kiwifruit to rid it of its fluff then eating some of the skin.. tho not ALL of it.. because, you have to cut the tips off anyways... but she tries to eat at least 1/3 of the kiwifruit skin.. and it is good at aiding bowel movement if you're having trouble in that department...

Though the absolute gem of today's conversation concerns those days when the weather is bad that she doesn't get to go on her daily walk... and it went a bit like this...

Mum: Singing is also a good way to work up a sweat...
Mum: Yea, I've been singing!! (She has an extra pep in her voice when she says this...) (I should probably also mention at this time that she had a karaoke machine installed and wired into the surround sound... no joke..! We are at times... properly stereo-typically Asian...)
Me: How does one sweat from singing??? (I assume she hasn't also hired a choreographer to help plan some elaborate stage show... tho at times... you never really can tell when it comes to my mother...)
Mum: Well, I sing for up to two hours at a time! (There's that pep again!)
Me: TWO HOURS!?!?!
Mum: Yes, I can work up a good sweat...
Me: *laughter*
Mum: Because you have to sing LOUD.. otherwise you just don't get that "feel"... (she says "feel" in English.. I'm not really sure why... but it makes the whole thing seem so much more hilarious.. [to clarify: we usually converse in a mix of Mandarin and Taiwanese with bits of English thrown in, mostly at my end when I can't think of the word in Chinese])
Me: *more laughter*
Mum: Oh but I only sing in the afternoons! (More pep)
Me: Only the afternoons??
Mum: Yes, I'm not someone with no class! 
Me: riiiiiiight...
Mum: I'm considerate of the neighbours you know...
Me: Uhhh huh...
Mum: I try not to sing on the weekends when I know some of the neighbours might be home.. and I don't sing in the mornings in case people are trying to sleep... or around lunchtime.. in case people are sleeping after lunch... (it used to be common that offices shut down for an hour at lunchtime so the employees could have a little sleep/nap after lunch) So I only sing in the afternoons...
Me: okaaaaay?
Mum: Because during the week, most people are at work, so I can sing as loud as I want!
Me: *laugh* (is there any other response!?!?!)
Mum: Anyway, I asked the doorman if he was ok with it and he said yes and that he enjoyed it!!
Me: Umm... would he tell you even if he didn't like it??? 
Mum: Well... yes I had thought of that, so I asked if he had any complaints from any of the neighbours and he said no! (She seems genuinely excited about this!)
Me: Well, I guess you're ok then!
Mum: Well, it's not like I can sing and run outside at the same time to see how loud I am!!
Me: Well, no....
Mum: But you need a bit of volume... to get the "feel".... (feel, in English again...)
Me: Uh huh..
Mum: I tried to sing quietly.. it just wasn't right... it just wasn't as fun! (I've been in the house with mum singing... she certainly gives it gusto!)
Me: *sliding towards hysterics*
Mum: You need to be holding that microphone, or you don't get the "mood", you know...!!?? (again, mood.. in English... WHA??)
Me: *almost uncontrollable laughter*
Mum: And while you've got the microphone, you just need to turn the volume up a bit.. you know? So you get the "feel"!!! 
Me: *actually in hysterics now*
Mum: But you know??? Don't you ever go to karaoke there??
Me: Umm... no... there's not really karaoke here... (there is.. but not like she's thinking in the way it is in Asia)
Mum: *snort* How boring! (Yes, she actually snorted... like a tv, geek snort! Like.. a rolling of the eye kinda snort... Like having no karaoke = less quality of life!)
Me: *silence* (I really had no response to this...)
Mum: Anyways... sometimes when I'm learning a new song... I'll sing the same song over and over again... coz sometimes you can't always hit the notes, so you need to practice!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (I feel for the poor doorman!!)
Mum: They should be paying me for the free entertainment!
Me: Maybe you can put a hat outside the front door...
Mum: Like a donation box!

Yup, true story... maybe next conversation she'll tell me how much money she's made from serenading the neighbours with her karaoke practice!!

We also covered "a HUGE new mall or department store that opened in London"... which I had absolutely no knowledge about... Mum seemed shocked and disappointed as it's been in the news over there... her reasoning what that if there's a new mall or department store then the logical thing would of course for me to go shopping there and check out the monstrosity! I asked Sok for verification of such a place's existence.. and she confirmed they have opened a new Westfield in Stratford... so I shall have to find a weekend to go to London to see this thing and maybe give mum's credit card a work out so I can accurately report back!!

Then there were such exciting topics as my attempts at going to the gym and mum telling me to treat myself to the occasional massage! (Well, don't mind if I do!) Also AS ALWAYS diet and eating more vegetables.. but not too much fruit.. because fruit has lots of sugar and can actually raise your cholesterol! As well as how heavy I am... (I am fat in my mother's eyes... this observation was the first thing she said to me when she saw me after 7 years of NOT seeing me... I said... "Hi mom!", she said "You got fat!", I replied "You got skinny!") She thinks I should weigh myself daily like she does to "keep an eye" on my weight.. I didn't want to tell her I think she's a bit OCD about her weight... last time I tried to tell her she was OCD about cleaning.. the outcome wasn't pretty! Anywhos.... I'm off to check on my rather calorific slow cooked chilli mince dinner! (Noone tell my mum!)

xx Caz


  1. Caz- your mom is hilarious! I LOVE hearing about the random things she has to say! The kiwifruit debate had me laughing out loud so much that I scared the kitties! Bwahahahaha!

    <3 MuffinLovesBiscuit

  2. Teeeheeheeehee... I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Poor kitties!!

    My mother is pretty funny! I'm glad we get along much better now than when I was a little one!


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