Monday, 6 June 2011

Conversations with Mother...

I spoke to my mum on the weekend.. and while some people I know do this on a daily basis (whether they still live at home or not).. I am not one of those people... It's probably been a few months since I last spoke to my mum... we operate on a strictly "no news is good news" policy, if you will...

Anywhos.. the subjects covered in our 1hr 15min 13sec (thanks Skype!) + 15min (on my cellphone) follow up conversation were as follows:
a) E.Coli outbreak in Europe:
mum: So have you seen in the news all those people who have died?
me: Not really, I briefly saw it in the paper early in the week.. I thought only 4 had died?
mum: NOOO.. LOTS of people have died! {The news I've read suggests about 20 people have died}
me: From cucumbers or something yea?
mum: They don't think it's cucumbers, they think it's salad...
me: So should I stop eating salad?
mum: Well, they don't know exactly what it is...
me: So I'll just stop eating veg for a while??
mum: No... just be careful what you're eating...
me: Ok... 

This then lead on to
b) "You can't eat any food from Taiwan because studies have revealed they have been using things to make plastic as additives" (I suspect she might mean melamide? but I haven't actually read this in the news, so I'm not entirely sure what she's talking about... she didn't know the term in English and I didn't recognise the term in Mandarin...)
mum: have you seen in the news the US are banning the import of food from Taiwan because of this study?
me: no
mum: really? it's all in the news... US are now testing all the food from Taiwan before it's allowed in..
me: erm... ok?
mum: it's in EVERYTHING! from drinks to lotions to shower gels! even X company (a large food distributor in Taiwan) have had their food test positive!
me: ok...
mum: so you can't eat anything from Taiwan...
me: ok... (living in the UK, it's not really that easy to buy food from Taiwan..)
mum: it's a good thing I don't eat any of that processed stuff anyways...
me: yup huh.... 

mum: they've done studies.. and the average male sexual organs of males in Taiwan is 1cm shorter and also slimmer than the rest of the world... they've done blood tests, the levels of X chemical in Taiwanese people has 10% higher saturation than the rest of the world...
me: ok... (thinking, am I really having a conversation with my mother regarding male sexual organs!?!)

mum: it's even in infant formulas, so all those parents thinking they were doing good for their babies were feeding them bad stuff instead!
me: well, how long has it been going on?
mum: AGES... more than 10 years...
me: oh..
mum: in the blood tests they did, the levels here were 100times higher than anywhere else in the world...
me: that's not good...
-the conversations carried on for a bit more, but by the end of the conversation the saturation levels were thousands of times higher than average!

This then lead on to:
c) a debate over the size of fish which is safer to consume due to the Japanese nuclear fallout...
mum: oh, you should only eat fish that are small
me: WHAT?
mum: because big fish eat more radiation
me: yea, but you would have to eat MORE little fish to get full as opposed to one big fish...??
mum: but big fish eat more little fish...
me: yea but... would you not be eating the equivalent radiation eating more little fish to one big fish?
mum: no
me: why not (I take pleasure in goading my mother sometimes... I did figure out that she meant that big fish already eat radiation, then they eat more radiation eating little fish who have also eaten radiation, hence I guess the effect compounds exponentially, but I just like having senseless debates with my mum sometimes)
mum: BEEECAAAUUSSEEEE (said like a young child biding time trying to make up an excuse for something) the big fish already eat the radiation then they have to eat all the little fish... you know??
me: yea ok...
mum: do you really get it? or are you just saying ok so I'll stop going on about it?
me: I'll stop eating vegetables, nothing from Taiwan, and only small fish... got it!
mum: not just small fish... like baby fish.. but fish that don't get too big.. like those ones we have at the Japanese restaurant.. you know?? (she then lists off some other "small fish")
me: Right.. small fish, no veges & nothing from Taiwan or China... we'll all just starve to death! (she has this thing against anything made in China because of melamide poisoning and lead poisoning etc.. I hardly ever buy anything made in China anyways)... 
mum: *sigh* - I can sense her eye rolling at this stage... hehehe...

But by far my favourite part was this:
mum: Are you going to London again anytime soon?
me: in July, why?
mum: Well, I borrowed your bag the other day..
me: What bag?
mum: the one from that department store..
me: ok.. (she means Harrods)
mum: It's really handy when it's raining because I don't have to worry about anything getting wet!!
me: ok...
mum: so I was on the tram with it the other day... and I saw another person, an elderly gentleman.. well, actually he was probably younger than me! (who calls someone elderly then says that person is younger than themselves!?!?!?! anywhos..) HE had one that was quite brightly coloured... and the more I looked at your one, the more I thought it was a poo colour (she actually said "poo colour")
me: So, what you're telling me is, you went into my room, "borrowed" one of my bags.. and now you're complaining that it's a POO colour???
mum: well, it IS... browny... it's a poo colour...
me: you don't HAVE to use it you know?? if it's a POO colour...
mum: but it's so HANDY when it's wet out!
me: So I suppose you would like another one that is NOT a poo colour...
mum: Yes, something bright and colourful, especially for summer! maybe with flowers on it or something?
me: What size is the one you've got? All their flower ones are like granny flowers... (I actually don't remember the bag she's talking about, I know I have one, but couldn't tell you anything else about it... tho apparently it's poo coloured!)
mum: quite big... & I don't want granny flowers...
me: how big is quite big? how about dogs?
mum: like one of the ones you get from the department stores... just something bright...
me: but they have little ones and medium ones and GIANT ones! so no dogs?
mum: medium ones.. like bigger than an A4 page.. you know?? 
me: yup, ok... 
mum: so do they have littler ones too??
me: yes mother
mum: well, a smaller one might be quite handy for days I don't need so much stuff...!!
me: ok, I'll go get you some, brightly coloured bags in a variety of sizes, but not granny flowers, next time I'm in London..
mum: oh, only if you're in the area... don't go especially...
me: I'll just go anyways...
mum: but I suppose if you're not coming back anytime soon...
me: there is such a thing as POST? it's not like they weigh anything, I'll just send them to you..
mum: oh ok then!


Various other more mundane things were discussed.. but those were defo the highlights... in some horrendously juvenile way, I delighted in making my mother repeat the word poo.. hahahaha...

xx CazHow often do you talk to your mum?? What kind of things do you talk about?? Does she ever borrow your stuff only to tell you all the things that are wrong with it upon its return??!!


Happy Monday!!

4 comments:

  1. hahaha that made my day! My mother is also quite neurotic about foods and she always gets the organic stuff that spoils because it has no preservatives and she's not a list-shopper.

    I live with her so we talk a fair amount, although since the arrival of her first grandchild I've been subjected to conversations on my decaying ovaries (I quote ' your baby-making years are limited!'), to my optometrist displaying 'mating behaviour' towards me.

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  2. hahaha.. glad to hear I'm not the only one! my mum buys fresh stuff almost daily from the markets, which is pretty cool...

    My mum's pretty much given up on me having kids... :D tho my grandma's still hoping... she told me "it's ok to marry a boy that's not Asian"... I figure she really must be getting desperate!! :)

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  3. haha, this is so fun! your mom and my mom would get along well I think. :)

    Nope, I'm not working anymore. My boss is mostly back to health and has resumed working full time. I'm so happy and thankful that she's well enough to get back to work, though I am kind of sad I won't get to do pics there anymore. haha. ;)

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  4. I think all mums must belong to a secret club! :)

    It did look like a sweet space to take photos!

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