Conversations with Mother #4

I am absolutely convinced that my mother is THE most ridiculous person.... possibly... EVER!

So she called this morning and after a brief discussion about what she actually called for... we got onto talking about my weight... it is a pertinent issue for her.... much more for her than for me... but if we carry on in this fashion... I may just develop a complex about it... Keep in mind that this is a conversation with a woman who weights herself EVERYDAY... EVERY SINGLE DAY.... yea...

mum: So, have you lost or gained weight lately?
me: Probably gained... I lost some while I was going to the gym, but with having visitors and going to Morocco, I've probably put weight on again...
mum: Well, you really need to be careful about your weight...
me: .....it's hard when people come to visit and we're eating and going out a lot...
mum: So, you're eating lunch AND dinner!?!
me: ...uhh.. yes? (I'm not suppose to starve myself!?!?)
mum: Well, if you eat a big lunch, you should have a small dinner..
me: I can't really expect my friends not to eat...
mum: Then you should order things lower in calories... like things without cheese...
me: Ok
mum: And you should give your food away, SHARE it with people... give people parts to "try", then you can eat less...
me: Generally if you give people some of your food to try, they give you some back to try too...
mum: Well, then just eat less of it... 
me: ......
mum: And it's ok to leave it as well and not eat it...

WHAT!?!?!  So in my mother's ideal world, I'd go out to eat, order something and give most of it away, then leave the rest that I didn't manage to pawn off on my friends! You should all come eat out with me... I'd just order and pay for the food and you can all eat it off my plate!!

me: ...........*more silence*.............
mum: You have to think about your knees, supporting all that weight... and it's bad for your health to be overweight...
me: I'm not exactly HUGE mum...
mum: It's just you said a while ago you were close to 70kg...
me: About 60 odd, 70....
mum: Once you break that barrier into 70kg, it's hard to come back...
me: ............................
mum: You should just make sure you eat less, because the more you stretch your stomach, the more you'll eat, and the more your stomach will stretch, then you'll eat even more...
me: ..................................
mum: So when your friends are visiting, just give them your food...
me: ...................

This is about when she decided to give up on the subject... Seriously, the way she talks about it, you'd think I weighed 10 million pounds... I know I'm not exactly small, and I'm definitely not by Asian standards (I swear half the women there are anorexic... or at least look that way...)  and I know I could do with losing a few kilos but it drives me crazy that she seems completely fixated on the issue...

Anywhos! Has anyone else had any success in getting their mother's to not obsess about their weight??!! :D Maybe I should just tell her I found a miracle cure and I suddenly woke up 20kg lighter.. hehe..

I also asked if she could send me my birth certificate and she asked me where she'd go to get one...!?!?! Is this normal?? Aren't mothers/parents supposed to have our birth certificates safely squirreled away somewhere!?!?! I suggested that we must have needed them when we immigrated to NZ?? She said she would look up the file... hmmmmmmmmmm....

I then tried to explain the concept of Groupon... in an effort to try and explain how I could afford to holiday in Morocco while I'm not working... Although she seem to lose interest in it fairly quickly... but proceeded to grill me about whether I went to the Mosque while I was there... I told her that only Muslims were allowed in the Mosque.. tho she was adamant that she went to the mosque when she was there... it was one of the biggest in the world (or maybe Morocco) and that it was blue and white!... When I questioned what city it was in.. she didn't seem to know... If anyone knows anything about this blue and white mosque... I'd love to know what she's talking about!!

And thus concludes another edition of Conversations with Mother...

Hope you're having a fabulous weekend!!